Friday, July 31, 2009

Life continue after the pain

Dear Bro,
I know its been so long since i wrote the last letter. I know i have to write a letter everyday since i said it is an everyday letter for you. But for some reason like my job i could find a time to write to you every and i do apologize for that. I know you do understand. And that even if i didnt wrote to you i always find a time to remember you or talk to you like you are just near to me. I went to mom house last weekends. Kyle is a very fun and smart kid. His mom said he always have the resemblance of as he grow up and yeah she is right about that. While i was there he sudden went to my direction and look me in the eyes and said that he did miss you so much. Mom hear that and she suddenly smile and was amaze how our nephew did misses you. She even told me that a week before Kyle clean the cabinet where your picture is at. He said it looks dirty already and you will get mad if it wasnt clean. Mom is ok now everytime we talk about you she is not in tears anymore but i can still see the sadness in her eyes. And im sure she do miss you more that any one of us.
I had guess youg password in your yahoo and friendster too so i am planning to edit it and make it look nice even if your not here. We do continue our life but we always think about you all the time. Specially me because i am now staying in the old house we had when were small.
Staying in our old house really brings back times of our childhood. The fun and the sadness we had together. I do always think about you face all the time. I sometimes wonder how it will be if your here in some situation that i been having in my daily basis. I did had a hard time getting over too all the sadness i felt when you left. But i guess in ok now. Im continuing my life as it has to be. But i always do thought of you everyday. There wont be a time that i remember you and even talk to you. Even though it looks like im just talking to the wind i some how felt that you are always right next to me. When i am out i do look at the sky sometimes and think that your up there looking back at me. I even smile sometimes and imagine that you are smiling back to me.
I know it sound funny or wierd but it does makes me happy when i do all this stuff and it does help me to keep on continuing my life, knowing that you are gone and wont come back anymore. I am sad to say that your girlfriend didnt live with me anymore. There are something that had happened that made me decided to tell her to leave the house. I guess she move on already and i heared that she already had a boyfriend. I guess its a good thing that she is starting her life again with a new man. But i hope he will always remember you and always let you have a small space in her heart.

I got to go now bro i got to go back to my work. I do apologize again and i do miss you so much. I will try to write again soon!!!! Love You!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Busy as always

Dear Kuya,
Its been 6 month already since you left. Mom told me about that last 19th of this month. She said tomorrow which is the 20th of this month will be your 6 month. I can still see the sadness in her eyes when she told me that. And when ever she heard about people who fast away. I can see she is a little affected too. Plus when she see the things that you like, food you love to eat, people you know, or the places you go to she will sure always mention you like them you knew them or you been there. I guess its really is so hurtful to a mother to lost a son of her child. Just like what the dialogue or the movie we watched last night. The guy on that movie said it will be easy for him to accept that his some will be the one to bury him, than him be the one to bury his son. I really don't know how hurtful it is. For a parent because i wasn't a mother yet. But when i imagine it i don't think i really going to handle the pain. But i am glad mom is trying to live her life. I can hear her laugh now unlike the past few months. I guess what help her a lot is having Kyle with her all the time. I know Mylin do miss his son Kyle but I'm sure she understand that our mom need someone to be with her and to keep her company all the time. I know i did mention i will visit your grave by end of this month. I hope i can, because right now I'm not really sure if i can. My computer at home is broken so i really got to fix it. That is the reason too why i cant post everyday like i promise before too. I guess even if you plan for the future you cant still do all that you plan perfectly. I hope i could fix the computer soon though. It will be a great help for me specially on my job and on my blog too.
It was raining today, actually it is raining so hard right now. I hope mom is ok back home. There still some leak at the roof of our old house. So i hope mom is managing it good. Well kuya i am really hoping i can visit your grave this end of the month if not i will on the first week of the next month. We really miss you. But i always think your just around watching over us as we accomplish our human life.
You will always stay here in my heart forever!!!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Holy Week

Dear Kuya,
Hello kuya the holy week already came. It was a very long vacation for me since my work start on Tuesday and not the usual Monday. Mom and our nephew kyle came by the home and spend there Holy week with me. They are still there and i guess they will stay longer and i am happy about that. There having some problem with there electric connection back there house. Kyle is growing good and strong. Although sometimes his hard to take care because he seems to be hard headed sometimes. But his cute and so smart. Sometimes he become talkative and keep on telling stories specially to mom. And his lovable. Almost all of my neighbors like him. They always say his cute or handsome. I do have my computer connection now. I know i promise when i did have my connection i will post here everyday. Well i still cant my computer kept on crashing or shutting down when i open it. So i cant make a post while I'm home still. If i will try i will spend a lot of time making one post saving it before the computer crash and when it crash i will open it back again and continue posting. Which is really annoying to do. But don't worry i already ask my co worker who know more about computer than me to help me fix it. All i need now its just money for the expenses to buy the part needed to be replace.
I met one of your friends brother. He did ask about you. And i did old him your already in God hands. He was kinda surprise about it. And he did told me too that his brother your friend already pass away too. He was just a month early than you. Before i go i told him that you and his brother already met there in heaven. And probably look back at us here. There are still lot of people who didn't know you already left. So something i got to tell them. Honestly its kinda hard to keep on telling people when they ask. Sometimes i just wish they stop and just realize your gone. I'm glad mom and kyle at with me today. If not i will crying again when i remember you. Specially at night before i go to sleep.
There is just one more thing that bothers me. I sometimes see your yahoo id do log in on Sms. Not only me but your girlfriend and some of your friends do see it too. I even saw your yahoo id did log out yesterday. I did left a message there already to inform the person who is using it. What makes me think is that I am sure you wont give your password to anyone. So we really wonder who would that be or if it was just the yahoo itself. But mom said maybe you just want to do it just to remind us not to forget you. Dont worry kuya we wont forget you like i always say to you. There are so many memories we have that is so hard to forget.
I just watch the Fast and the Furious part 4 last holy week. I know you will like that movie. You love cars and drifting. I do thought maybe if we were just lucky and born a little richer i know you will be having lots of cars and would probably involve in a car race.i would probably going to watch X-men when it start showing. I know you will like that movie too. And we would probably going to watch it together. Our you will watch it with you girlfriend if i didnt have time yet.
I do sometimes wonder how were you know and what were you doing. But i can only guess and day dream. Like the rest of us we always think you just left and move on another state or province. It will be much more easier to us to think like that than to think that your really gone and wont come back. I do know you wont come back. I do always tell myself that you just left so you can prepare our place in heaven. So that when its our time to go there it will much better. I know i will see you soon. When my time has come. But for now i know i got to keep on living for mom, kyle and the rest of our love ones. I just really do miss you bro and like i always say i wont never forget you. I got to go now. I will try to post again as soon as possible. Love you Bro!!!


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Reminising the good memories

Dear kuya,
Some of your friends came and visited me last weekend. They all stay till dawn and chat with me. We chat about a lot of things. We talk about how fun we were when we are small kids. How we always play on the fields. I remember u always hate it when i join your games with your friends. I was angry at you but i do know that your like that cause u know i will only lose cause i am still small and your friends are good in what ever games you play. One of your friend said he still cant believe your gone. I just smile back and say that your not gone you always here in our heart in our memories. All the happy and sad memories we all share wont gone away. The fun we have as kids. One even said its really fun to be a kid. Spending all your day running, playing and laughing with your friends. But when your grown up already. All things get serious. You got to work think about what your future will be. Face lots of problems that you didn't have when your small. Be stress with all the trials in life that you will take. But you know whats the best thing about being a kid. Its having you as a brother. I am happy that your my brother. I know there so many girls out there who will wish to have a brother like you. Because even if you get older and mature you still enjoy life. Even when you get sick. You didn't show sadness. You always tell jokes and will make all people laugh. That's one of the things your friends miss about you. And that's one of the things i do miss about you too.
I will going to have my computer connection back at home already. I told Marilyn your girlfriend who live with me to go apply for a connection today. She said she think it will take 3 to 4 days. I'm sure if your still here you will be the first one to be happy. Because when my computer have connection already then you can spend your time playing your favorite online games. And I'm sure you do miss your car on the Drift city game your playing online. So i do know that's the first game you will download on my computer. Come to think of it i guess i will check it when i get my connection back. This games you play when your still here will really do bring back good times we both have. Since i am a gamer myself too and we do both spend more time talking about games than other things. We both like music, T.V shows, movies, and both online games and video games.
By the way before your friends leave we decided and made a plan on visiting your tomb after the Lenten season. They will all going to come. The idea came from Marilyn. She said she want to visit you. We are really looking forward for that. Were going to go to mom house first so she can come with us i know she will love to join us in visiting you.
I will cut this letter for now. Don't worry like i told you i will have my connection back home in 3 to 4 days , meaning i can do post blog even when I'm home already or on my day off. I love you Bro always !!!


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

A Son

Dear Kuya,
Hi Kuya I just discovered something last night. Me and your girlfriend Marilyn had a long chat. And she mention me that you one told her that you had a son to your first girlfriend back when were teenager. I was surprise and so happy and really wishing its true. Because it will be so cool to know that you have a son. I been thinking of finding a way on how i can talk to your son mother. I am wonder if her uncle which is a friend of mine knew about it and i can ask him if its really true. I want to make sure its true, but i have a feeling it is really true. The only thing that worry me is that the mother will deny it and say your not her son Father. I am really praying that she will say the truth and the truth will me what i really wanted. If that happened i will tell this to mom and I'm sure she be so happy. I am not planning of making a big issue out of it. I just want to know the truth about it. And i will make things be as quiet as possible. Your girlfriend is ok about it too. She do really miss you. She cried again last night while were talking. I told her that we all do miss you too. Specially mom because mom had been with you from the first day you were form on her womb. I do cry too when i think about you. But i don't show it. I cry alone and talk to you like your just near me. Yes i do always wish your still here. And that we still talk about things and we still laugh about your jokes, spend the holidays with you and play games like car drift on our computer. I know you really love playing that game and rpg games.
Mom is going to wait for me today. She is hoping i could visit her today. I hope so too but i am not sure yet. I don't know if my salary will be today. I got to go the the repair shop to fix my psp too and buy a new battery for the old cellphone i am planning to use. I'm planning to have the computer connection back. So that i can go online even if I'm not at work.
I been missing so much bro. All the time i think about you. Me and your girlfriend is planning to visit your tomb. Hopefully we can by next week. I love you Bro always !!!